Matthew 11:29 and 30

Monday, January 5, 2009

29 "Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
30 "For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
- English Standard Version

29 "Take the yoke of your church and denomination upon you, and learn from their rules, doctrines, dogma, and creeds.  For I am cruel and harsh to those who don't do everything  their hear from a pulpit."
30 For my yoke is oppressive, and my burden will keep you in bondage for life.
- Modern Church Translation

Acts 3: 6

Monday, December 29, 2008

6 But Peter said, "I don't have any money for you. But I'll give you what I have. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, get up and walk!"
- New Living Translation

6 But Peter said, "I gave my tithes at church.  Our church gives a tiny portion of what it takes in to the local homeless shelter.  So, if you want my help go there and know that some of my money went towards the help you will receive.  I have nothing else to give you and can't help you in any other way.  The homeless shelter is that way.  See  ya!"
- Modern Church Translation

Modern Church Translations - The T-shirt edition

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

For this Modern Church Translation post I am going to stray from the normal Bible verses and focus on Christian T-shirts.  First I will give the real message that each supposed Christian T-shirt is sending.  Sadly, the real message is also usually more true than what is actually printed on the T-shirt.  Second will be the actuals words on the shirt.  Third will simply be some of my wonderful insights.

The Real Message

I want you to be a Christian but I'm too scared to talk to you so I really hope you get the message on my shirt and it makes you want to go to church somewhere this coming Sunday.

The Modern Church Translation

Fishers of Men

How ironic is this one?  Just wearing a T-shirt with a supposed Christian message no more makes you a 'Fisher of Men' than purchasing fish at the grocery store makes you an expert angler.  Simply wearing this T-shirt around is like fishing without any bait.

The Real Message

I don't care about you enough to actually talk to you, but I sure do enjoy wearing this shirt that tells you how you are going to burn in hell for all eternity.

The Modern Church Translation

For those who want to take God out of everything! Great News! He won't be in Hell either!

There's a loving message for you.  Tell non-Christians how delighted you are they are headed to hell.  There are a multitude of these type shirts.  It's amazing how much pleasure Christians take at telling people they are going to hell without caring enough to be an example to them or even talking to them for that matter.

The Real Message

If you vote for a Democrat you are an evil Satan worshiper.

The Modern Church Translation

Satan wants you to vote pro-choice

Isn't it amazing that so many in modern Christianity actually believe if you don't think exactly like them you can't possibly be a Christian.  They think you can't vote for a Democrat and still be a Christian?  Since when did Christian automatically equal Republican?

Anyway, I just cringe when I see the majority of Christian T-shirts.  I think the part that really bothers me the worst is that the message on so many of these supposed Christian shirts shows that the world outside the Christian bubble has it right.  It seems that today's Christianity really is arrogant and condescending.  Even the decent ones amount to nothing the vast majority of the time because those wearing them rarely, if ever take the time to be an example of the Christ they are advertising.  

Philipians 4: 4 and 5

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

4 Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again-rejoice!
5 Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.
- New Living Translation

4 Always be full of joy in the knowledge of your church.  I say it again - rejoice!
5 Let everyone see that you are in church every Sunday morning.  Remember, the Lord is coming soon.  What better place for him to find you than in an institution that you hold in such reverence that it has replaced him as your God?
- Modern Church Translation

Romans 8:28

Monday, October 27, 2008

28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
- New Living Translation

28 And we know that God will give health, wealth, and prosperity to those who claim to love God and are called to be part of their pastor's purpose.
- Modern Church Translation

Matthew 6: 1 through 4

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

1 "Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.

2 "So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.  

3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,  

4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

- New International Version

1 "Be careful to keep a record of all your 'acts of righteousness' before men.  If you do, you will win the approval of your peers, and can also benefit financially from your giving.

2 "So when you give to the needy, tactfully promote the charities that you support in whatever way you can.  I tell you the truth, you will not receive the acknowledgement you deserve otherwise.   

3 But when you give to the needy, also make sure you hold onto all the necessary documentation, 

4 so that you can take advantage of the various tax write-offs.  Then the government, when it comes to tax time, will reward you.

- Modern Church Translation

* This MCT is another great submission from Daniel at 'Like a Mustard Seed'

Mark 2:17

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

17 When Jesus heard this, he told them, "Healthy people don't need a doctor-sick people do. I have come to call sinners, not those who think they are already good enough."

- New Living Translation

17 When Jesus heard this, he told them, "Healthy people don't need a doctor-sick people do.  Healthy people should form a Sunday morning social club and call it 'Church'.  I have come to call sinners, but don't think that means I expect those who are healthy to help me do that.  I realize those sick sinners are scary.  All you healthy people should stay so wrapped up in all your churchy things that you don't have time for sinners.  Maybe other than to invite them to your church.  If they don't accept your invitation then to hell with them, literally.  You did your part by inviting them to church."

- Modern Church Translation